Saturday, December 29, 2012

Real Black Girl Thinspo

Sometimes seeing real girls can help to motivate me more than models. And as you can see from my blog title, Not All Black Girls Wanna Be Thick, so there are some thin ones out there trust me!

Seeing real girls somewhat similar to you is helpful, but there is not one Ana/Mia/ED that doesn't have that one girl they see on a regular basis that they look up to.
You know the girl I'm talking about.
The girl that has the body you dream you had, that makes you want to work out and diet and eat laxatives till you puke. You almost want to be her, she is your Ultimate Thinspo.

Well, there's a girl like that for me, let's call her T. Shes gorgeous and fashionable and super popular. Everyone in my city knows her name. She has a great car, great hair/skin/nails, and shes a model, but the thing I admire the most is her body type, which I wish I could have :( she's so lucky, the guys at my school literally swoon over her. I never go so far as to wish I was her, but I Damn sure wish I had her flat stomach and smooth back. I've been cursed with disgusting back fat, and it's not like my stomach is sooo big, it's really the back rolls that make me look so fucking nasty, like I could reach behind me a pinch the rolls, I've counted and there's five. I'll post a pick later so you see I'm not exaggerating.

There's another girl too her name is Jasmine, she would be my Ultimate Thinspo because her body is 10x better, but I've never seen her in person only pics so I've never had the full "Wow" affect. I'll post pics of her later.

Anyway, here's some pics of T.

Friday, December 28, 2012


I don't have any followers, and I'm kinda glad because I would HATE for you guys to read How much I've failed. I'm such a failure....

Christmas break came around, and I had planned to lose massive amounts of weight so I could go back to school and wow people. But, my grandad came down from North Carolina. And it's not that I don't absolutely LOVE him, I mean he's been more of a father than my father has ever been, but he cooks that true grandmas house down in the backwater country food. I feel so fucking fat!!

And ANY person that is obsessed about their weight will tell you that when they eat really bad they avoid the scale like the ugly guy that's been in love with you since kindergarten.

Since the break started I've been piling this disgusting fat filled food down my gullet, and I mean DISGUSTING: cookies, cakes, pies, fried foods, pizza, ice cream, candy, mayo based salads, greasy food, fast food, soda, soda, and more fucking SODA!! And I felt so guilty that I didn't step on the scale not once.

Until just now.

My breath completely stopped in my chest. How could i? How could I just give up on my dream? How could I just throw it all away???

179.2 lbs.

I promise if it would have said 180 I would dropped dead right there.

So, I'm saying right here and right now, that I am changing. Tomorrow its nothing but fruit and water and coffee (courtesy of my new coffee maker—thanks mom!!) and this 40 minute workout that I'll post tomorrow. I can't be fat anymore I don't want to be the "fat friend" I want my boyfriend to pick me up, I want to feel sexy when I'm naked, I want to go back to school on the 8th and have people come up to me and say, "have you lost weight?" I want my ex to feel like shit, I want guys to notice me just so I can say I have a bf, I want to show my stomach and wear cropped tops, I want my jelly thighs to stop rubbing together, I want to feel confident in WHATEVER I wear, I want to be small, tiny, thin, light, little, I WANT TO BE SKINNY!!


Okay, I'm gonna stop ranting and raving and give you guys some well deserved thinspo, One of the things I'd love to wear when I'm smaller:

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Glad to Be Back!

My phone wouldnt work unless it was charging, so I had to get a new one. And then my mom took it away because I forgot to wash the dishes one night, so I've been AWOL to the outside world. To be completely honest my diet has went to shits! I have been trying to eat right, but without thinspo or my blog i've been lost. Luckily, I've only gained about one pound.

                 CW: 177.6 lbs
           1st GW: 150 lbs
         2nd GW: 140 lbs
              UGW: 135 lbs

I hate that I cant stay away from food. I hate that my mom is constantly asking me to bake things, or make dinner which means I have to taste it which ultimately means im gonna eat it!

Sorry im being such a Debbie Downer, but it really is hard. I find myself looking at the tiny girls at my school with a perspective thats almost envious. I would look at them with longing of the great bodies they had but never envy or jealousy! I think I want this so bad its becoming a problem, I dont want an ED but I'll gladly take one if that means I'll lose weight. If anyone has a problem with that then click the little red "X" at the top of the window and move on.

On another note, I think im going to start walking after school for an hour everyday, its really the only option I have as far as exercise since my dad stole my Wii.

Another story for another day.

Tomorrow my little sister is turning five so theres gonna be a huge party with lots of food and cake :( I'll be sure to let you know how that goes because I really will try to resist temptation, because nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Anyway, here's some Thinspo: Anna Faris!
Some of the pics are kinda explicit so viewer discretion is advised :)

   Im getting sleepy so I'll head off to bed, have a great night :)