Monday, March 25, 2013

Back, and Here To Stay

6:46 PM My mom found my diary. For safekeeping I put most of it in code. This frustrated the shit out of her. She yelled, I yelled. So, she took my iPod.
All hell broke loose.
She found all of my thinspo (good thing I log out of my blog) and kept asking me "why do you think you're fat?" "Are you on a diet?" "Do we need to see the therapist?"
I denied all these things but she still didn't give it back. To make matters worse, she took my phone too. And to make them even worse worse, she became a fucking food Nazi. So, to keep her off my back I started eating like I used to. And then I couldn't get enough of it. I thought, "what the hell, I don't look so bad," all the while avoiding the mirror and the scale.
I knew I was getting fat and it scared the shit out of me. Finally I stepped on the scale.
I was so disappointed. I was so close to the 160's and I fucked it up. But now I'm back! And with a vengeance. Its Spring Break and I started today with a liquid fast. I've legit have had nothing but coffee and water. I made some peanut butter and crackers to put her off my trail, but I gave it away to one of the little kids next door.
I feel more lightheaded than hungry, though I am very hungry. But I planned on going to school next Monday and WOWING everyone! Especially my ex, who sits right next to me in English class. Fucker.
Plus, prom is month away. Idk if I plan on fasting the whole day, but ill try, maybe have another cup of coffee. I put fat free creamer and sugar in mine (I know it's not very Ana of me) bc I cannot handle it black. It's only 165 calories for two cups that fill me for hours, so it's cool with me!
I just got on the scale : 171.2lbs
Less, but still fat as fuck. I'm gonna try to get through my day. Ttyl <3

I broke my promise and had dinner with my mom. Homemade burger with fries. It was small, and I only had a few fries. Here are my stats. As usual I over estimate everything. I doubt I've had 985 calories.
I'm going to bed, whoever is reading. But tomorrow I'm posting a shitload of thinspo so get ready :) goodnight!