Shame

I don't have any followers, and I'm kinda glad because I would HATE for you guys to read How much I've failed. I'm such a failure....

Christmas break came around, and I had planned to lose massive amounts of weight so I could go back to school and wow people. But, my grandad came down from North Carolina. And it's not that I don't absolutely LOVE him, I mean he's been more of a father than my father has ever been, but he cooks that true grandmas house down in the backwater country food. I feel so fucking fat!!

And ANY person that is obsessed about their weight will tell you that when they eat really bad they avoid the scale like the ugly guy that's been in love with you since kindergarten.

Since the break started I've been piling this disgusting fat filled food down my gullet, and I mean DISGUSTING: cookies, cakes, pies, fried foods, pizza, ice cream, candy, mayo based salads, greasy food, fast food, soda, soda, and more fucking SODA!! And I felt so guilty that I didn't step on the scale not once.

Until just now.

My breath completely stopped in my chest. How could i? How could I just give up on my dream? How could I just throw it all away???

179.2 lbs.

I promise if it would have said 180 I would dropped dead right there.

So, I'm saying right here and right now, that I am changing. Tomorrow its nothing but fruit and water and coffee (courtesy of my new coffee maker—thanks mom!!) and this 40 minute workout that I'll post tomorrow. I can't be fat anymore I don't want to be the "fat friend" I want my boyfriend to pick me up, I want to feel sexy when I'm naked, I want to go back to school on the 8th and have people come up to me and say, "have you lost weight?" I want my ex to feel like shit, I want guys to notice me just so I can say I have a bf, I want to show my stomach and wear cropped tops, I want my jelly thighs to stop rubbing together, I want to feel confident in WHATEVER I wear, I want to be small, tiny, thin, light, little, I WANT TO BE SKINNY!!

*breathe..*

Okay, I'm gonna stop ranting and raving and give you guys some well deserved thinspo, One of the things I'd love to wear when I'm smaller:
CORSET TOPS THINSPO!!